Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Overview of Transition

Here is something I wrote after Maelee had been with us for a few weeks:

Well it has been a long time! (and this is a long post, sorry) It is crazy to think that my father passed away 2 months ago. It almost feels like an eternity. I was looking back in my journal and and entry before my father's passing starts out with something like "life is going well. It is hard but still good and I am happy." Little did I know that my father would pass away a week later, my sister would be hospitalized, and I would agree to take on one more child, who turns 3 in November. 

We have had my niece living with us for 5 weeks now. It is hard to believe it has been 5 weeks. As I am getting to know her I am realizing a lot of what she grew up with, or what it appears she grew up with because I don't really know. She is quite the snacker. I learned quickly to clean up after we were done eating or she would constantly be in the kitchen snacking on anything within reach. And if there was nothing in reach she would scale the counter to find something. It has been quite the experience to teach her that we eat at meal time and that we have snacks at a given point in the day but that we stop eating between meals. And we don't go into the kitchen looking for more food. As she has come to understand this she has become a great eater at meal/snack time. She used to not eat vegetables but now eats broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, corn, and edamame. She is also more willing to try food on her plate because she is hungry. She is learning that she likes more things. Occasionally, we will eat something that she doesn't want to eat. She will claim that she doesn't like it but I have learned that if she REALLY doesn't like something she will gag on it and then I don't force it but usually she just means that she doesn't want to eat whatever it is and will complain that she doesn't like it (even if she does) but will still eat the food. 

My niece is also EXTREMELY independent. I equate this to a life of having to fend for herself. If she is thirsty she pulls a full gallon of milk out of the fridge and tries to pour it. We have had several milk messes as a result. In the morning she helps herself to a bowl of cereal with milk as well. She is learning to wait for me to help her with breakfast, which is lovely since I don't want her climbing on the counters to get cereal, and she loves to eat pancakes, which we tend to eat on an almost daily basis around here. 

I'm not sure she ever had to say "I'm sorry" before moving in with us and so actually, really did not know how to say the words I'm sorry. Upon a first and second infraction where I asked her to say I'm sorry to another she said something so I let it pass. But come the third time, after hitting someone, she refused to say sorry. I showed her how she could say it with her hands but she refused. I'm sad to say that she sat on a chair in the kitchen for around 2 hours because she didn't want to say sorry. It became quite the power struggle that I knew I could not let her win. Brylee and Gunnar and I were in the kitchen doing "school work." She would occasionally whine about being in the chair and not free but when I asked her if she wanted to say sorry she would say "NO!" so I let her sit. I eventually decided to make cookies to try and coax her out of her will power. She eventually wanted to see in the bowl. To which I replied that she needed to say sorry, She very quietly said "saucey." Since that time she has been a lot more ready and willing to apologize when she hurts someone else.

My children are also learning to deal with someone who hasn't had to share before. My niece has been spoiled by her mother and aunts. She has had everything she has ever wanted and never had to share it with someone else, except her little sister that recently turned 1, but even then her little sister didn't really move around a lot until just recently, as far as I know, so she was never the menace that younger siblings can be. Well coming to my home there are 5 other children to share things with. She often demands that she is first, or that someone else is not allowed to look at "her" book that is being read. This has been quite the battle around here as Gunnar is patient up to using his words ONCE. He will ask for something nice ONCE and if someone doesn't respond he gets frustrated and resorts to taking matters into his own hands. Combine this with my niece who doesn't/didn't say a lot and doesn't like to share and we have plenty of battles every day. Brylee has been AMAZING in this and I am so grateful for her every day! My niece came with at least 10 pairs of shoes and so which shoes does she want to wear when we go outside? Brylee's, of course. Brylee lets her. The next day she wants to wear a yellow dress hanging up in the closet. Who does it belong to you say? Brylee. After a couple of days, I had to let Brylee know that it was okay to tell Maelee, No. I appreciated her helping Maelee feel welcome and part of the family but if she was planning to wear the dress she could. Maelee certainly had plenty of clothes. Well later that day we went to play outside and Maelee want Brylee's shoes again. Unfortunately, Brylee couldn't find her other pair of shoes and wanted her flip flops. So I told her to grab a pair of Maelee's so that she could trade for them. Maelee refused to give the shoes back because she wanted them. It was a little difficult to get the shoes off and then she was livid when Brylee put them on. I told her that she could wear the pair that Brylee brought out to her. She refused so I told her she could go inside and put on any of her shoes that she chose. I then took her in side and her shoes. She wanted nothing to do with me so I went back outside to let her cool down. She then opened the door and threw her flip flops out the door screaming NO! After a few minutes she came out wearing Gunnar's shoes. Because I had told her that she needed to wear her shoes, and she had not asked Gunnar about wearing his shoes because he was outside, I told her that she needed to wear Maelee's shoes. She screamed at me again and went back in the house. After about 5 minutes I came in to check on her, because I didn't dare leave her alone inside for long, and I found her in her bedroom putting on a pair of her own shoes. It was a rough battle but now we don't have fights with her about wearing her own shoes and I am grateful. I knew she was going to challenge me as a parental/authority figure, and she certainly still does on many things but I'm thankful that this is not an issue anymore after that day. 

My niece is also very smart. It was difficult to see at first because she doesn't/didn't speak a lot and because I was expecting her to be more like Gunnar. In reality, Gunnar is 5 months older and when you are young, 5 months makes a BIG difference. When she first came to live with us everything was always blue, no matter what! After a couple of days she began to recognize yellow, and then black. She is now able to recognize and name all of her colors! When she first came she counted two, two, two. She new how much 1 was but would call it two and the same with 3. I think she has a difficulty with saying 1 because she still shies away from saying 1. When playing Candyland she would say 2 blue but hold up 1 finger. Only once in several games did I get her to attempt to say 1. This is something that should improve with hearing it, I hope. She would do the same thing with 3, calling it 2 but holding up 3 fingers. I have gotten her to say 3 a lot more often. When she counts she now adds in the number 8 and 9 in no particular order, which is completely understandable when you haven't been around number before. My kids are around counting numbers a lot because we do it while in time-out. If you ask Maelee "What does the A say? she will quickly respond with aaah. She picked up on the letter so quickly and identifies whenever she sees it. This is something that Gunnar or any of my children at her age or a little older have ever done. Her fascination with the letters is diminishing as she is learning that there are so many more but she know A really well and loves to sing the song with the others letters we have learned and recognizes some of them as ones that she knows but doesn't always remember their names. 

Maelee is now praying with the family and as any small child who is feeling the joy that comes from prayer is always asking to pray. When she first moved in she would refuse to join us for prayer, and then refused to fold her arms. Now she is often the first ready for prayer. She also enjoys "reading" the scriptures with us in the morning. We will say a couple of words and have her repeat them for her turn. I feel that this has helped her gain confidence in trying to say new words. Hopefully as she learns to move that tongue around more she will becomes easier to understand and she will be able to say more things. She now knows how to say her name and will say things like Maelee's shoes. She calls Brylee Barley, the same as a neighbor girl did at her age. She can say Hunter and attempts at Tucker but still has a hard time saying Gunnar or Connor. I'm trying to convince to learn how to say Connor because she always calls him the baby and that is one of my pet-peeves. I rarely call by "babies" baby and especially after they are a year old. Connor is 15 months old and I don't want him walking around thinking that he is a baby and can therefore do as he desires. (I know I am probably crazy) Anyway, lately as she has been calling him Baby I say "Lexie is not here, or Lexie could not do that. (Lexie is a neighbor's 4 month baby that I watch 3 days a week--Maelee refers to her as baby Lexis), after this she gets a little furrow in her brow and tries to say Connor. I had no idea that his name was so hard to say. 

Anyway that is enough for now. I'm tired and my children all wake up early in the morning!

September

After my father's passing we changed Bryant's vacation from March to the last week of August beginning week of September and went to Arizona. I spent many days cleaning up/out my mother's office. Apparently the final inspection on the addition to the house that was completed over ten years ago had never been done so the inspector was coming two weeks after we were there. Bryant and the children helped occasionally with shredding papers and organizing all the "missionary boxes." I've told my mom that missionary boxes are a bad idea. Some of them were from 2008! For those that don't know what a missionary box is it is a box that is filled with everything on the table when the missionaries come over for dinner. (Side note: the addition passed the inspection!) 

We stayed with Bryant's parents this time and enjoyed the sprinklers turning on in the evening. At our house the sprinklers turn on in the middle of the night so there is no running through them when they turn on. The children had lots of fun


The even came up with a game of eating Connor when the sprinklers had turned off.


Due to my sister Emilee's health she is unable to take care of her daughters, Maelee (turns three in November) and Mollee (recently turned 1). Maelee's father was unwilling to step up (not that any of us care for him) and so Bryant and I worked on becoming Maelee's guardians. Arizona granted us the full 6 months of temporary guardianship giving us plenty of time to work on getting permanent guardianship here in Utah. 


As a result of taking guardianship, we no longer fit in a mini-van so my mother spent lots of time looking for a bigger car for us. My preferred choice was to have the new Ford Transit 10 passenger van. It was a little out of our price range initially due to the fact that we were buying it several months ahead of our planned schedule (waiting for another tax refund in April) Thanks to my mother's bargaining we were able to get a great deal and I got my dream van. After all, if you are going to be stuck driving a giant van you might as well enjoy it. I am so glad that I was able to dote upon myself with this purchase. I tend to be frugal with my money and go with the cheaper options but we were able to get 0% financing for the life of the loan and I don't regret my choice. I truly love driving around in the van. Each of the seats is so roomy! I have successfully placed 8 car seats in the back and was able to easily fasten and unfasten all of them! There is so much room inside. I originally thought the seating configuration was funny but now I love it. The front row is two seats, the second row is two seats behind the front row, a walkway and then a bucket seat next to the door and the back row is a bench of three seats. It is so easy to access any seat in the van. Every seat has a headrest and all the seatbelts are attached to the seats and not the roof! It is everything I wanted from the Nissan NV but not as ugly and a much smaller wheel base so it is closer to driving a minivan than a giant van!


Maelee came home with us at the end of our "vacation." She loved getting in the "bus" and didn't fight us at all when it was time to get in and go. 

We went to a family BBQ with Keith and Cindy for labor day when we got back to town. 


Gunnar has been working on his hula hooping skills. He is getting better at it but I had to capture a video of his concentration before he stopped being so cute at it. 


After showing off his skills we had a dance party!


Everyone in the family can agree that the park is fun! It makes everyone happy!









Tucker and Hunter had another wonderful soccer season. I spent lots more time sitting watching at the end while keeping track of all the children. Maelee especially loved going to the games. 


Here is the team with their coach!

Brylee really wanted to go to Chalk the Block at the Riverwoods again this year. She had been talking about it for weeks. Well the Saturday of Chalk the Block was busy and Bryant and I were both worn out by the afternoon. I decided I would take Brylee and it would be a nice time out together. Well then Gunnar decided he wanted to go and then Maelee also wanted to come along. I was a little disappointed because I was looking forward to having an easy time and then it turned into watching three small children in a crowded area. Ultimately we had fun. Maelee decided she was done earlier than everyone else, as I figured she would but I had a stroller so she just sat in it while we wandered around. 




Here is Brylee at the mall, she requested a picture.

We enjoyed quite the rain storm. Connor wasn't so sure that is was really fun.

But everyone else had lots of fun. Even Maelee opened up a lot and ran around squealing with delight and happily posed for a picture!


My life: Tuesdays I watch Lexie (4 months) and Audrey (4). On this particular day I was also watching my neighbor's girls Mia (5 months) and Arya (3) for a couple of hours. It was a little crazy but everyone got along and had fun. 

Play Doh fun

Brylee learned to climb really well this summer and loved that she could not scale the front post. 

This is Maelee's modeling shot. 

Connor loves smiling for pictures and as you can see from his shirt he is constantly droolly!! He is currently working on 4 molars...


We enjoyed another day in the swimming pool outside before it got too cold.


Brylee, Maelee, and Gunnar are working on sharing with each other. Maelee has never really had to share before so we have quite a few struggles over sharing around here. I love when they are able to figure out a way to all be happy about something!


Maelee loves to work. It is quite wonderful to have her around because she always wants to be the one asked to do something.



Monday, November 9, 2015

August in a blur

We went in for Hunter's semi annual dentist cleaning. While there we discussed with the dentist about how we have been trying to pull his bottom tooth but it refuses to come out, SERIOUSLY! Bryant wrapped floss around the tooth and around his hand on several nights and yanked as hard as he could and couldn't get the tooth out! In fact he even hurt his hand a little. So I asked the dentist if he would just pull it while we were there. He obliged and it was a good thing because the root was really far down and we likely would have been back in a couple of weeks to get it pulled anyway. At this office they have video glasses so Hunter watched an episode of Wild Kratts while he was being numbed up and the tooth pulled. He didn't even realize it had happened. 

We had some kid friends over for dinner. Everyone loved sitting around the table together. 

August was $2 Tuesday at Thanksgiving point. I missed the first Tuesday of the month without even thinking about it but the second Tuesday we went to the awesome dinosaur museum that Tucker and Hunter thought they would never return to. We got there early and were the second family in line. I forced them to take a picture before we went inside so that I could remember what they were wearing just in case we got separated. 

This dinosaur was so long it was impossible to capture in a single photo. 

There were always things above our heads to see and so much around us that we often forgot to look up!

This is the sand/water table. Children get to learn the effects of erosion and such things. Mostly they just bury toy dinosaurs and find them again. 












Baby dinosaurs are the coolest, especially when you get it to yourself!



At the end of the museum is a sand excavation area. The last time we came here (3 years ago) we didn't have time for this part and Bryant and I did not really want to deal with all the sand. This year they got to dig and enjoy both sand areas while I fed Connor some snacks. 







Afterwards we sat outside and ate our lunch. It was a fabulous time. I loved that my whole family went for only $10 instead of the crazy $12/child and $14/adult. The kids all did such a great job listening that I told them we could hit up another museum the following week. 


Quite the curve ball hit us that week, when we received the news that my father had passed away while traveling with my mother in Idaho. I drove with my Aunt Charlene the morning after to meet my mother and Aunt Tricia in Idaho and help in whatever way possible, even if just to give a hug each time one of my siblings asked to share a hug with mom. I stayed in Idaho overnight and returned the following evening to meet all of my family that had traveled from Arizona that day. When we arrived at my small house people filled every available area possible. The walls were lined with people sitting on the couch, floor, and chairs from the kitchen. Only Bryant, Daniel and Ian were found out of the mass in the space of the kitchen. We were all well worn that evening and looking forward to getting to bed. We lucked out in being able to rent a house across the street from my grandmother in Provo that was vacant only through the weekend. Many of my family stayed in that house, while others were in a house across the street and next door. A couple of siblings opted for the privacy of the nearby motel. I didn't realize it was also graduation weekend so the hotels were well booked and charging the higher prices :(. I drew everyone a map to get them where they were headed so they could get to bed. 
While the event that brought all of us together was truly tragic and heartbreaking, being together as a family was beautiful! My father always knew how to throw a good party and he sure made this a good one. Someone in my ward offered to gather people in the ward to provide meals for my whole family (10 siblings with spouses/significant others and lots of children!) They provided all three meals each day my family was in town and even brought them to the "rented house." The food was good and there was always plenty, something my father would have been proud of. The only member of my family missing was my sister Emilee who was in the hospital in Arizona having been intubated to help slow her heart and keep her alive. (She is doing better now but her heart is greatly damaged and she has little to no energy for tasks). The services for my father were beautiful. The "family luncheon" after the services included most everyone that attended the services because so much of my father's family/relatives and great friends live near enough to Provo that they could all come. (which is why my mother decided to hold the funeral in Utah and have all of her children travel).

My brother The "Cool" Uncle Jacob purchased some fire arms and grenades and got all the grandchildren and younger aunts and uncles to enjoy a game of shooting each other in the back yard. This eventually led to quite the game of duck duck goose with many adults playing too. We ended the evening with roasting smores. It was fun to see some of the nieces and nephews roast a marshmallow for the first time. 


All of my family drove home on Sunday, except Isaac and Juli with their kids. They figured that since they had driven all the way from Pittsburgh they might as well stay for a couple of days before heading back. I was glad to have some family stick around for a little longer. 
We had fun playing outside in the swimming pool and sprinklers.


Connor learned he could fit in the ice chest :P


Isaac and Juli even stayed an extra day so they could join us on $2 Tuesday at the Museum of Curiosity (and man am I so glad that they did!) We were not permitted to take our strollers into the museum based on the expected crowd. After getting in and being there we could not have even imagined how someone with a stroller would have been able to maneuver around the museum with a stroller because it was difficult enough without one. I was so grateful to have an extra set of eyes to keep track of everyone. There were a couple of times that one person would be in charge of staying with those that were found while the other two went off searching for those that were missing. I don't think I'll be able to do this museum on my own with our children on $2 Tuesday myself, it is just too crazy!





Brylee had fun dancing on the stage in the "little" town





The line for the zipline was super long so those that wanted to do it only got to do it once because we refused to sit around waiting for them to have another turn :/

Here is Clark on the zipline


And Hunter


And Tucker


This water table was awesome! Connor was able to sit and play and I didn't have to worry about him getting run over or crawling away!


Here is Elliot


Some parents who have been before actually brought a change of dry clothes for their kids. I opted to just take off Connor's shirt, figuring he could be in a shirt and diaper if necessary.



All of the dangling feet was super cute!


Brylee and everyone else got completely soaked. We realized we should have come in the water room before going to the outside playground, oh well we are beginners!



The day of Isaac and Juli's departure my children started school!

Tucker is in 2nd Grade

Hunter is in 1st grade!



Gunnar and Brylee decided that making silly faces made it easier to say goodbye to their cousins!



And Connor just wanted back in the house :)